I’m not dead.
I haven’t given up!
But I have been sick for three weeks going on forever and really busy. Cue the violins. The bad news is I have not made great choices at every opportunity. The good news is I’m making more good choices than bad these days. The great news is I’m thinking. And talking to God about the choices in the moment. I’m actively trying to be submissive. I mean, alert the news, y’all! It’s a big deal for me! Praise and glory to Christ who gives me strength!
And just a brief pause before I go on. I was reading through some of my prior posts. I sound a little angry. For much of my life that was true, but I thought I’d let it all go. I guess not. I guess it’s a process. But I want to be super clear on one thing: no matter the dynamics of how I grew up or how misunderstood I felt or how much pressure I had on me, nobody else is responsible for my eating habits but me. Period. Full stop. I did it. Bite by bite.
Okay, moving on.
As I’ve said before (and just alluded to), I’ve known from childhood that being overweight is socially unacceptable. I found it soon after placing my faith in Christ that according to some, God didn’t like it either, but without much explanation to go with the dismissive judgment, rather than getting counseled, I internalized a whole lot of condemnation. Honestly I didn’t know any better. Hand to my heart if I ever disciple anybody in that way please bench me, God. Please. I just knew it it was bad.
I don’t usually take breaks at work, but I keep a Bible there so I can just grab it and read for a few minutes here and there. I happened to be reading Philippians, and I came across chapter 3, verses 18 & 19, where Paul is talking about the enemies of the cross and says “Their end is destruction; their god is their stomach; their glory is in their shame. They are focused on earthly things” (CSB). It hit me like a sucker punch from the Holy Spirit. I knew I was not an enemy of the cross because my righteousness is in Jesus, but clear as day, God was showing my something about my behavior that needed to change. I went home a couple hours later and prayed. I cried great big crocodile tears. I saw that day, for the first time, how my eating was not just unwise, not just unhealthy, but sin. Behavior that is outside of God’s design for me. It is fully focused on gratification of the flesh. Oh I could go on.
But y’all, not every large person in church has had their moment, okay? So please use some grace. I did not have this moment the day after salvation or even the day after my baptism. God’s got a timeline for each of us and you know what’s pretty cool? I’m not responsible for anybody else and neither are you! Okay off that soapbox. I could go on for days about how much you will achieve the opposite effect to give unsolicited dieting advice to an obese person.
I wish I could say once I had that moment it was all downhill and easy to rein in that sin, but I’d be lying. It’s been various try this, do that, until I’ve finally come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be on a diet. I want to learn to be submissive.
I saw an article a little bit ago on gluttony that is by far one of the best I’ve read over on Breakpoint.org. You should check it out.
Peace and joy!