Christianity, faith

What I Wish You Knew

Dear Well Meaning Church Lady:

I really do appreciate you thinking about me to be your next “team member” for your “health revolution”.  I’m going to believe you were absolutely sincere when you sent me the Facebook message about it rather than talking to me in person.

But there are so many things I wish you knew, beyond the fact that I’m too busy to deal with MLMs that cost you more money than you actually earn.

I wish you know that I have already been the “poster girl” for more than one weight loss cause. I’m not interested in getting into that again for so, so many reasons. I used to call myself The Freak Show, and I wasn’t kidding.  What I wish you knew is when you have a lifelong obesity problem there are some underlying issues. When suddenly the weight loss is evident and the public decides all the details become public domain, it’s weird. I have been asked so many inappropriate questions I can’t keep track. I wish you knew how much I want to be known for something other than my weight. Or losing it.

I wish you knew that despite what it may appear, there is not one quick answer to my problem. What I wish you knew is that more than a coach or business partner, I have prayed for friends and accountability partners for this journey. But the plain fact is, most people want to tell me their solution and if I don’t want to follow their plan, that’s the last I hear from them.  Or they just want to talk about themselves ad nauseam.  Or they want to sell me stuff.  Honestly, that’s the worst. No offense, you do what works for you. What I wish you knew is that I’m pretty educated on this stuff. Far more than you’ll assume when you look at me. And I wish you wouldn’t assume I am utterly uninformed.

What I wish you knew is that I am not ignoring this issue.

What I wish you knew is how I am already freaking out about getting on a plane in two months and worrying about the poor stranger who has to sit next to me.

What I wish you knew is I can’t walk into a room without wondering what people must think.

What I wish you knew is how I’ve heard doctors refer to people like me as “monsters”. Right in front of my face.

What I wish  you knew is how much I want to just be treated normally.

What I wish you knew is how I pray every day that God would remove this thorn, but so far He has left it in my side to remind me I need to rely on His grace.



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